Post by Merk on Feb 11, 2020 16:53:09 GMT
Good Morning JSF'ers.
I hope you're all doing well.
I have to admit I'm still pretty shook about the ending of JSF as we know it. I never would have expected it's ending to have such a strong impact.
Wow....
I feel fortunate Graham reached out to me and let me know. This gave me the opportunity to back up my threads and photos, thanks Graham.
I've been very back and forth with the idea of porting over my threads. There is this urge to let the past be and move on, start fresh, start new. But there is another part of me that wants to preserve the memories of the road that brought me to this very point in time.
Decisions, decisions.
I may pick it apart and piece together a training/dietary log of my competitive bodybuilding journey (2007-2008). Perhaps something I can attempt to recreate and see if I can get back to my former physical glory.
Regardless of my decision to drag my JSF thread baggage with me or not, let's begin.
Ok, here we go.
Today I change the title of my journal.
Why?
Read on...
For those that don't know I lost my biological father August 2018. Our relationship was never good and I had wished nothing but the worst for him. Little did I know his death would have such a strong impact on my life. His death didn't bring the feeling of satisfaction I thought it would. Instead it left me feeling sick, regret for not fixing things, and a sense of loneliness I cannot describe.
6 months later I lost my grandfather, my biological fathers father. He was one of the most amazing human beings I had ever known. He was a true beacon of light, positive, calm, kind, loving. I have never met anyone like him before, truly a one of a kind. These traits are something I have seen in those that he was surrounded by. My Aunt, Uncle, cousins.... there has been a yearning to be like him and my other family members...kind, positive, loving.
Realizing I had been carrying this hate around for so long for nothing has been an eye opening experience. Since then I've been on this journey of self healing, self love, and trying to stop the negativity I've carried around all these years. I've touched on some of this here in the past but the last year and a half have provided me with some powerful paradigm shifts. Perhaps because I'm now truly open to change or maybe it's just simply time.
As I said I'm now very focused on self love and self healing. I've been so hard on myself, hated parts of me for so long, I don't recall a time where I didn't hate something about myself. I'm working diligently in breaking down my insecurities, the self hate, and all the baggage I've carried with me for so long.
Over the past month I've found a level of clarity that I've never had before, a vision of who I want to be and where I want to be as I get older. I want to have a calm mind, a gentle heart, and to surround myself with people that help elevate me and want nothing but the best for me as I do in return for them. Those who only consume and give nothing back or do nothing but drag me down will be and have been cut away.
I train now because I love myself and want to be healthy, not because I hate how I look and I'm insecure.
I stick to wholesome, organic, food because I deserve to eat what's best for me, not considering junk as a reward which destroys me.
I read more educational books to exercise my mind.
I meditate and deep breathe to calm my mind, my body, my soul.
I take cold showers to help create discipline, control, and to embrace things that are uncomfortable without fear.
I deserve to be better for me, my wife, my family, my friends, and even to you the reader.
Moving forward there will be shifts in how I do things here, nothing too crazy, but those who have been avid readers will notice. My adventures I document won't be completely fitness related but health related overall.
I want to be positive in the mind, I want to appreciate all the small things, I want to elevate those around me.
Be positive, Appreciate, Elevate....
I hope you all continue to enjoy the read moving forward.
I hope you're all doing well.
I have to admit I'm still pretty shook about the ending of JSF as we know it. I never would have expected it's ending to have such a strong impact.
Wow....
I feel fortunate Graham reached out to me and let me know. This gave me the opportunity to back up my threads and photos, thanks Graham.
I've been very back and forth with the idea of porting over my threads. There is this urge to let the past be and move on, start fresh, start new. But there is another part of me that wants to preserve the memories of the road that brought me to this very point in time.
Decisions, decisions.
I may pick it apart and piece together a training/dietary log of my competitive bodybuilding journey (2007-2008). Perhaps something I can attempt to recreate and see if I can get back to my former physical glory.
Regardless of my decision to drag my JSF thread baggage with me or not, let's begin.
Ok, here we go.
Today I change the title of my journal.
Why?
Read on...
For those that don't know I lost my biological father August 2018. Our relationship was never good and I had wished nothing but the worst for him. Little did I know his death would have such a strong impact on my life. His death didn't bring the feeling of satisfaction I thought it would. Instead it left me feeling sick, regret for not fixing things, and a sense of loneliness I cannot describe.
6 months later I lost my grandfather, my biological fathers father. He was one of the most amazing human beings I had ever known. He was a true beacon of light, positive, calm, kind, loving. I have never met anyone like him before, truly a one of a kind. These traits are something I have seen in those that he was surrounded by. My Aunt, Uncle, cousins.... there has been a yearning to be like him and my other family members...kind, positive, loving.
Realizing I had been carrying this hate around for so long for nothing has been an eye opening experience. Since then I've been on this journey of self healing, self love, and trying to stop the negativity I've carried around all these years. I've touched on some of this here in the past but the last year and a half have provided me with some powerful paradigm shifts. Perhaps because I'm now truly open to change or maybe it's just simply time.
As I said I'm now very focused on self love and self healing. I've been so hard on myself, hated parts of me for so long, I don't recall a time where I didn't hate something about myself. I'm working diligently in breaking down my insecurities, the self hate, and all the baggage I've carried with me for so long.
Over the past month I've found a level of clarity that I've never had before, a vision of who I want to be and where I want to be as I get older. I want to have a calm mind, a gentle heart, and to surround myself with people that help elevate me and want nothing but the best for me as I do in return for them. Those who only consume and give nothing back or do nothing but drag me down will be and have been cut away.
I train now because I love myself and want to be healthy, not because I hate how I look and I'm insecure.
I stick to wholesome, organic, food because I deserve to eat what's best for me, not considering junk as a reward which destroys me.
I read more educational books to exercise my mind.
I meditate and deep breathe to calm my mind, my body, my soul.
I take cold showers to help create discipline, control, and to embrace things that are uncomfortable without fear.
I deserve to be better for me, my wife, my family, my friends, and even to you the reader.
Moving forward there will be shifts in how I do things here, nothing too crazy, but those who have been avid readers will notice. My adventures I document won't be completely fitness related but health related overall.
I want to be positive in the mind, I want to appreciate all the small things, I want to elevate those around me.
Be positive, Appreciate, Elevate....
I hope you all continue to enjoy the read moving forward.